Pray silence for the best man

It’s an honour to be asked, but with this job comes huge responsibility and, for some, it is the cause of many a sleepless night — as Emma Pomfret finds out.

Perhaps even more nerve-wracking than actually getting married, for the best man his speech is one of the most anticipated elements of the wedding day. Expectations are high and the pressure is on...

If, as best man, your big day is looming, don’t panic just yet because there are a few foolproof techniques guaranteed to help make your speech memorable for all the right reasons.

“This is the part for which most wedding guests will remember you, regardless of how well you do everything else,” said Paul Luke, content manager for www.lastnightoffreedom.co.uk, a stag and hen night information website.

Since there are so many pitfalls, Paul strongly advises an early draft of the speech.
“Draft a loose skeleton and add to it whenever you hear or read a fact or quote that fits the bill,” he said.

The name of the game is inoffensive charm. Paul said: “You should maintain eye contact and also try to inflect some expression in your voice.”

Paul also suggests thinking on your feet: “If the bride's father rambles on for 25 minutes, followed by the groom for a similar length of time, you might be well advised to cut the story about the time that the main man fell off a donkey in Biarritz.”

Visual aids are a good idea to keep people’s attention, such as a poster, old photographs or an item of clothing from his past. But, Paul advised, try not to be too in-jokey when it comes to the groom either.

When it comes to the topics of the speech, there are safe bets (the happy couple’s unique magic, amusing childhood stories, saying how great the day has been so far, complimenting the bridesmaids), there are subjects that might work providing they are kept reasonably clean (the honeymoon, how they met, the groom’s embarrassing habits) and then there is the ‘don’t even think about it’ category (the stag night, his previous girlfriend, her previous boyfriends, jokes about the bride’s mother, criticising any part of the day, or mentioning any subject you know is taboo).

“There is nothing worse than seeing somebody rooted to the spot in terror,” said Robin Chandler, from Impact Factory, a company specialising in public speaking and communications. “If you take something with you, such as notes or a glass, and put it down, it demonstrates that you occupy the space. It also gives your body something else to do. When standing up, people suddenly become super self-conscious and find they have hands on the end of their arms and they have no idea where they came from!”

Other tips from Robin include:

• Get your opening and closing right as this will make a lasting impression

• Whether you think you have done well or badly, always take a bow and say thank you. You can actually fool people into thinking you have done better than you have by doing a good walk-down.

• Always test technical equipment beforehand, for obvious reasons!

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